That gun is loaded but its not in my hand, the fire's burning but its not me who holds the matches..

Here I go. thinking, analyzing, trying to understand the human race and all its imminent forces. Its official, I start my journey in just a few short months and while saving my pennies, all I that is left is to decide where I start. My ESL will be finished so while traveling I plan to start teaching English whether it be volunteer or as a job is up in the air right now, knowing me - I'll probably do both. There's so many places I want to go though its hard to narrow it down. I can do South America or Thailand and Indonesia for a few months, travelling alone will be kind of scary and all the more exciting.

In the mean time, I stay here in a snowy city that even in the dustiest corners is filled with love. I can't see that I've got red hands. Where my heart once was is no longer here. I've seen it all before, back out and everything's changing, so what are you chasing? After everything I think a part of me will always be waiting for you...

Right now I have a major " If you like me your doing a horrible job at showing it, and if you don't like me your doing a horrible job of showing it, choose a side you fuck" situation. Obviously that alone is enough to back out. Am I that smart? You would think so, but taking my own advice has never been something I excelled at. Especially since I've met someone whom I know is a better man, someone that gives you butterflies while keeping you safe at the same time. Reminds me of where my heart once was. Of course if it wasn't complicated I wouldn't be interested. No one likes it served on a silver platter. I smile every time I hear that laugh, he makes me shy, I've never been like that.  I've never seen more captivating eyes... Its funny you meet these people and they make you laugh, they give you hope and make you realize that the world isn't filled with only assholes.










You met me at a very weird time in my life...

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